I never lose

I’ve been told that I am cocky, headstrong, arrogant, etc… I hate to lose. I want to be the best at everything and will do whatever (without cheating) to do it. In middle school, our basketball team continuously made it to the Diocese Championship (Catholic School – whats up). In fact, if we didn’t make it to the championship game, our season felt incomplete. Our summer softball team was probably the best around. I’d like to think that if we all played at the same high school we would have a couple of state championships under our belts. Then I played sports in high school and it was my first dose of losing and losing A LOT. I hated every second of every game I have ever played in and lost. We just didn’t have the talent within the school district and that was always hard to accept. I think this is truly where I started to hate to lose.

Okay, not going to lie. When I am bored I often find myself strolling through Pinterest looking at quotes. I literally just search quotes. Whatever shows up, shows up. I usually get lost in it. Today, after work, waiting for the Yankees game to start, I exhausted all social media so I turned to Pinterest to search quotes. I found one today that totally sums up how I look at things but never realized it.

IMG_0089.JPG

So if you have a hard time understanding my mind or my mindset – there it is.

I never lose. Either I win or I learn.

Life is about learning. If I could be a life long college student, I would be. I love school. I love the smell of the library. I love typing papers. I love reading books and highlighting the “important” parts. I love sitting in class watching the professor talk about their passion. I love to learn and I think that is why I never lose. If you have something to teach me, you better believe I want to know about it. I’ll probably have AT LEAST 5 follow up questions, so be prepared. You’ll get bonus points in my book if it is something that you are passionate about.

I don’t think I like the final congratulations of “Hey Lauren, you’re number one!” I mean, I like it a little but I don’t love it. I LOVE the journey. I love rolling up my sleeves, thinking outside the box, and getting to where ever I need to go. I like to see the first day vs. the last day.

BUT, if I win, you better believe I am going to gloat and probably brag about it for a few days, or months or whatever. If I don’t win or I am not successful, I am pretty hard on myself and probably don’t want to talk about it with anyone except a few people that I trust. I want to know where I went wrong. What I could have done better. It is honestly pretty hard for me to shut off my brain after getting constructive criticism. My old store manager said it was one of my strengths but I don’t think he knew how hard I was on myself. I HATE to make the same mistake twice and don’t do it very often, probably because I am so hard on myself. Even though people call me cocky, I am the first to admit if I did something wrong. I am not ashamed of it. I think I’ve come to realize that I am not ashamed because I like to learn from my mistakes. I like to make sure that the people around me don’t make the same mistakes that I have made.

So in the spirit of learning, I have changed my mindset. I don’t think I’ll say that I hate to lose ever again. I will in the most humble way possible say that I never lose, either I win or I learn.

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Success

My coach posted an Instagram post about defining success. It really got me thinking. How does one define success? Is something that is successful for one person not successful for another? What aspects of my life am I successful at?

I really think that success is how YOU personally look at it. I believe success and happiness go hand in hand. How happy are you when you get a promotion, a big lift at the gym, or a record number of Instagram likes? Find what makes you happy, always give 100%, never stop learning, keep striving to be the best that you can be, and you’ll be successful.

suc·cess\sək-ˈses\

noun

: the fact of getting or achieving wealth, respect, or fame

: the correct or desired result of an attempt

: someone or something that is successful – a person or a thing that succeeds

That was copied right from Webster’s dictionary. I feel like I could relate more to the second definition. The correct or desired result of an attempt. Obviously I’m not gaining wealth or fame any time soon. I do think I am more successful in some aspects of my life than others.

Education: SUCCESS – I feel most proud that I can tell people I have a Masters degree in Education. I worked my butt off to get my degree. I was able to achieve this in 5 1/2 years and only two different schools. There were days that I wanted to quit or not show up for class but I always did. When I got to UB, I was one of two students who didn’t go to UB for their undergrad. My advisor literally held it against me in everything that I did. She would make comments in the middle of class about how not everyone can go to Saint John Fisher. But what she didn’t know is that I used that for motivation every single day. Even though it’s one of my proudest moments, the degree is stuck between a couple of books. If anyone knows me at all, I would be professional student if I could. I LOVE SCHOOL AND LEARNING. I know, I am a nerd.

Teaching: FAILURE – I really regret not trying hard enough to still be teaching. Don’t get me wrong, I really do love my job but I miss teaching. I loved sharing all my cooky ideas with the kids and having them groan and sigh thinking: “Miss Pacillo is nuts”. My first year teaching, not one of my students failed 9th grade Global. I had a number of students stay after so I could tutor them for either Social Studies Regents exam that they might have failed. All students that I tutored – passed. So my cooky ideas and suggestions worked in some way but I still feel like I let them down. I wish I could still have some kind of influence on students the way my teachers had on me and that’s what I regret the most. I wonder how many students I let down? Are there kids out there that I can help? It honestly makes me so sad thinking about it.

This list can go on and on but I’m going to stop there. There are things I am striving to be successful in currently.

  • I want to be the best person that I can be every day, no matter the circumstances.
  • I want to read as many books as I can.
  • I want to lift really heavy weights.
  • I want to lose enough weight to be healthy.
  • And my long shot – I want to be on Jeopardy (trivia night anyone?!!!)

Those things make me happy. I’m going to just leave you guys with what I said early regarding my definition of success.

Find what makes you happy, always give 100%, never stop learning, keep striving to be the best that you can be, and you’ll be successful.

These are my opinions. That’s cool if you think differently. We all define success in a different way – and that’s what makes it so special.

Until next time ❤️

I’ve learned a lot

The past 49 days I’ve been doing a healthy eating challenge that was being held at my gym. I did learn a lot about myself. Not only was it good for my body it was good for my mind.

1. Working at a grocery store is by far the worst thing ever when trying to eat healthy. Working 40 hours a week around food that you can’t eat was a true test of will power. Do you know how easy it is to go grab a bag of chips and dip and sit in the office when I’m typing my night notes? Or how easy it is to grab a sub for lunch? Yeah super easy. I always like to look in peoples carts and see what they are buying. It’s a good indication of how the night will go. I saw things I swore we never sold before. Even when people had a pizza in the cart the smell made me instantly drool. I DON’T EVEN LIKE OUR PIZZA.

2. Working at a grocery store was the best thing that could have happened to me while doing the healthy eating challenge. Yes, I know what I said in the last paragraph but it was also the best thing to happen to me. I would see the meat that we had on special in order to save a few dollars. I was able to take my time and familiarize myself with products I could eat. I didn’t look like a straight up creeper when I was in the aisle for hours. It also made me realize how bad a lot of our stuff really is.

3. Food is something that I turn to when I am stressed out. I had a handful of bad days at work. What I really wanted to do was order the most disgusting sub, pizza AND Chinese food and just binge eat for hours. I knew I used food as a source of comfort but I never realized how bad the situation really was until it was taken away from me. I need to find a new outlet and working out and lifting takes the place of food – sometimes. But work leaves me so drained it’s easier to turn to multiple Mighty Tacos.

4. I started craving the most bizarre things. I have the biggest sweet tooth. I thought that was going to be my down fall. I can’t live without ice cream. Seriously. Strangest thing is throughout this I didn’t crave ice cream as much as I craved other things. I wanted every type of bread that was ever made. English muffins, bagels, even just a plain baguette. Mashed potatoes and pasta were another strange craving. I wanted it all.

5. I realized I function better with larger meals. I was always the type of person who would eat smaller meals and snacks throughout the day. But that meant I was hungry more often. Which means while I’m work I want to eat everything I see. So in the past 2-3 weeks I started eating larger meals with 1, maybe 2 snacks a day. It worked wonders. I feel better at the gym. I don’t want to eat everything I saw at work. I stayed fuller longer. I always stayed away from larger meals. I really have no idea why. And honestly it made no sense because of my job. It makes more sense for me to eat bigger meals. Can’t believe it took me this long to figure it out.

I’m sure I’ve learned even more but haven’t even realized it yet. Thanks for reading!! ❤️❤️

Cool things

So in my last two weeks of being in my twenties a handful of cool things happened to me. I couldn't be any more excited to share them with you.

1. I received a text message from one of my friends that I use to work with at Dick Road about her finishing her training at McKinley. I told her how excited I was to work with her again even though it will suck for her. She lives in Niagara County and has a very long drive. With how excited I was I told her that I might not be there very much longer and told her about how I might be taking my career with Wegmans in a different direction. This pretty much shocks everyone when I tell them. She asked me why and I told her my reasonings and she responded "taking your own advice: life begins at the end of your comfort zone!!" This was the first cool thing. I wrote a blog a few months back about living out side your comfort zone and what it really means. It took about a solid two years for me staring at the magnet for it to really hit me. It's so cool that she remembered. I was so happy that I made an impact on someone, even if it is just one person.

2. The McKinley girls softball team won the championship. I know it really doesn't mean much to anyone else besides the dozen or so girls that I play with BUT WE WON. I got transferred to McKinley the same week the payment for softball was due. I talked to my store manager at Dick Road seeking advice on what team I should play with because at this point I could have played on either team. He told me I should play with McKinley to get to know the girls I'll be working with. I told him he just traded me at the deadline, which we both got a good laugh about. Anyways, I'll take a championship in anything as long as it means I won. I could not be anymore proud of the girls who came together to win. If you would have told me we were going to win the championship in the beginning of the season, honestly I would have laughed. I have been at three different stores and won three different championships but this one was different. Ever since I broke my leg, I get kind of emotional at things like this. I still don't run amazing but I was able to make plays in the field, throw to first pretty quickly, and hit the ball better than I ever have. It's things like this that remind me that I had a traumatic experience and I'm doing almost everything, if not more than I did before I broke my leg. The fact that we were 100% the underdog made it that much better.

3. I finished a workout that I never thought I could. 30 DB snatches @ 35lbs, 30 tire push ups, 1000m run, 30 tire push ups, 30 DB snatches @ 35lbs. Time cap: 17 minutes. When I saw the 1000m run and the 17 minute time cap I knew there was no way I was finishing this. Also, I suck at push ups. I got through the first set of snatches in a little over 2 minutes, did push ups 3 at a time, and got to the run thinking my pacing might be enough to get me through this. I don't remember how long it took me to get through the run and the next set of push ups but I still did 3 push ups at a time. I know, I suck – I already admitted that. I got to the dumbbell and I remember my coach yelling that we had 2:30 left until the cap. I took a deep breath and thought to myself you did the first 30 that quick lets do this. I have a habit of being just short of finishing workouts and I did not want that to happen again – it really, really sucks. So I did not take one break in doing the final 30 snatches. I just entered the pain cave as we like to call it. I finished this workout in 16:26 and if you believe it – a smile on my face.

So it may not seem like much to anyone but it means a lot to me. I know this blog has kind of taken a different then when I first started it, but that is how life works.

To all my make up lovers out there, I absolutely will review the Jaclyn Hill palette. To all my beer lovers out there, my favorite beer season is upon us. Once I'm done with the healthy eating challenge, I will be reviewing beers again.

Stay tuned. ❤️

Let me clear the air

Hi everyone! I never thought in a million years I would have to do this but I have been asked a lot of questions. People have sent me messages on Instagram and a lot of text messages about what was going on. I got asked a lot questions, some more bizarre than others. I just want to clear the air.

1. Lauren – are you pregnant?  NO. I am not even going to lie – 3 separate people asked me this. I was shocked. I guess that is what I get for posting pictures of baby food. If anyone knows me getting pregnant is the last thing I need in my life right now. I am trying to take a pretty big step in my career and a baby is just not in the cards.

2. Lauren – what are those numbers on your Instagram? For example: Day 4 of 49? I am in the middle of a healthy eating challenge at my gym. It is a seven week challenge and the winner gets the all the money from everyone participating in the challenge. There are a number of things that go in to determining the winner. Going to the gym 5 out of 7 days a week gets me extra points. I have to check in on Instagram SO sorry, you’ll see them for 49 days.

3. But you haven’t posted in a while, what is up with that? Read below.

4. Why are you eating baby food? This one is pretty lengthy so please grab your favorite drink. If you don’t care then skip the huge paragraph. Two weeks ago to the date, I started developing these cold sores in my mouth. I could still eat and I really didn’t think anything of it until I woke up on Thursday and my mouth literally blew up. I couldn’t eat anything spicy or anything that I had to chew. I went to do the doctor and he said that he is lucky that I got there so early because he gave me some medicine to help it out. I didn’t realize how bad this was going to get. Saturday at a work, I got some baby food because I could not chew anything and my throat was killing me. I was still doing the healthy eating challenge and I didn’t want anything to get in the way of that so that is why I was eating baby food. My desire to stay healthy. I left work Saturday and didn’t return until today, 10 days later. I missed my friend Tom’s wedding on Saturday night because I was in so much pain. Sunday morning at 3am I went to the ER because of the pain. I just knew something was wrong. I called into work for the second time ever at Wegmans. Monday it was so bad I didn’t even want to leave my bed. My cheeks looked like I had my wisdom teeth out and were so puffy. My neck was swollen. My lips looked like I had botox that went terribly wrong. My throat hurt so bad drinking water was painful. The doctor wanted to see me again and he gave me some shots of antibiotics and steroids. Tuesday it was the same thing but of course I was allergic to either the antibiotic or the steroid that they gave me and I then developed a rash from head to toe. I didn’t eat for four days and I have no idea how I drank enough water to stay hydrated. I felt ugly, tired, and fustrated. Friday I went to an ENT and he told me that this is the most aggressive case he has ever seen but I just had to ride it out. At this point I tried the baby food again and everything was just tasting funny and my throat was still killing me. The only thing that seemed to go down okay was chocolate milk. It wasn’t healthy eating challenge approved but at least I was getting some calories at this point. I missed another wedding on Saturday but when Sunday came around I FELT LIKE A NEW PERSON. I wasn’t 100% yet but I was no longer in pain and I could eat softer foods. Monday I went back to the gym and did my stretches, rode the bike, and did some empty barbell cycling and movements. As an exciting side note: my brain finally comprehended the different between the push press and the push jerk. FINALLY – on Tuesday I was back to normal. I spent the day with my little cousins from out of town. Today I finally went back to work and got back into the gym. The only side effect now is that I have no taste buds. I can feel texture but I can’t taste anything. It is so crazy but worth it not to be in the pain that I was in. I just want to thank the people who put up with me for two weeks. You guys know who you are because I have thanked you about 20374283 times already.

So there you have it. Sorry I’ll be around. Maybe not as much but I’ll be here. Follow my social media and don’t be afraid to ask me any questions! I love questions!! ❤

Flexin’ Friday – July 14, 2017

Think of how far you have come. 

Seven little words that kept me motivated today during a grueling workout. 

When I looked at the workout this morning my thoughts are completely different than what they are now. Six hours ago I was excited to do an easy EMOM with deadlifts and back squats. My worst lift (deadlifts) mixed with my best lift (back squats). On paper this was a workout that I should love.  All heavy barbell – my thing. Thirty minutes after completing it I never want to do a deadlift or back squats ever again in my life. I probably jumped weight too quickly while trying to stick with the girls I was working out with – so that’s on me. But it still really sucked. About 75% way through the workout I didn’t think I was going to finish. My back was on fire. I’ve always had some kind of back issues. It’s way better than what it was but still not 100%. I took the barbell from the rack, paused what seem like forever and walked it back without doing a single back squat. I thought that was it. I couldn’t even imagine doing an air squat at this moment let alone 5 at 145lbs. Then I got yelled at in the most motivating way (to be honest I don’t even remember what my coach said – I just know he wasn’t ever going to allow me to give up) and I got through them. But I thought there was absolutely no way I was going to do the deadlifts. As I was standing there, trying to figure out how I was going to do any more of this workout and not sure if I wanted to cry or throw up – my coach said think of how far you have come. So true. I’ve shared my journey here before. A year ago I was unhappy at the gym, unhappy at work, unhappy with life in general and I know that’s what he meant. He didn’t mean how much weight was on the bar because that’s never been an issue for me. It’s my mental game. It’s come a very long way this past year and that’s what got me through the rest of this workout. A year ago I would have given up or taken a rest or decreased the weight. But today, I finished it. 

EMOM 40 – even: 5 back squats – odd: 5 deadlifts. Maxed out at 145lbs for both. Now, I just need to work on my deadlift because my deadlift and back squat shouldn’t be the same. 

Think of how far you have come in the past year. It’s truly amazing. ❤️❤️

New Brew Wednesday – July 12, 2017

Helloooo MBC friends! 

I have another 4th of July beer to share with everyone! This one was definitely not as interesting as last weeks. It does however have a funky side that I absolutely loved! 

21st Amendement Brewery – Watermelon Funk 


Type: Sour ale

ABV: 6.7%

IBU: 17

Description: We have transformed our summertime watermelon wheat beer into Watermelon Funk, a mind blowing, shake your booty, interlocking sour bass lines with syncopated sweet fruit notes and downbeat aromas and we give you all that in a signature groove with the hip and sway of Lady Liberty. (From 21st Amendement Brewery’s website) 

This beer was fantastic. I wish I could have had a six pack of these at my party. It was so drinkable and such a summer time beer. Now we all know I’m a sucker for sour beers. And this was probably in my top three of ones I’ve ever had. It went down so easy and could be trouble with a high ABV especially for a sour. Their watermelon wheat is also super good. 

21st Amendment Brewery also has very eye catching packaging. Also, for the history nerd in me – 21ST AMENDMENT. I’m sold. I’ve only ever had two beers from them. This and their watermelon wheat. So I can’t be a good judge of the brewery as a whole but the two beers I have has were amazing. I would give any beer of theirs a try! 

Follow my blog and my social media for a good time ❤️❤️